I continued working out with the bike, with my yoga video (now completely with mat, blocks and a strap, which make all the difference in the world) and walking the dogs.  I watched what I ate carefully until Saturday, when I had friends visiting from out of state and I wanted the freedom to eat with less restriction.  I went back into watching what I ate on Tuesday after they went back home.

I have still not lost a single pound, but I know I am thinner in some spots.  My elbows are sharper.  My rings are much looser.  My belly is still really big.  I am not overly depressed about it.  I know I am making gentle changes and that is not going to bring about abrupt change, even over 3 weeks.  I do feel better and I sleep much better than I did before.  I also believe that I am going to segue into tightening up the ship a bit more when spring comes (the planting time) and get more aggressive about it.  I really do what to lose the weight and put my focus on maintenance rather than repair.  It will feel good to lose the sleep apnea, to have my blood pressure go down and to feel more active and vital.  I am eager to see good results and it is hard to wait for that, which is why we fall victim to so many quick fixes.  It's also hard to look at such a long road ahead of (perceived) deprivation and hard work when we are so tuned into using food as our comfort from those very issues.  No matter how much we try to find a replacement, there is very little that comforts us the way food did.  I think the only incentive is progress and mine is taking its time. 

I easily have a year of this before I am even close to my goal.  That's hard to think about sometimes.  I know it has to happen.  I did two things yesterday that really made me stare that fact in the face, literally.  I downloaded the photos that were taken while my friends were here and I went back through the photos from the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend for 2001, 2003, 2004 and 2005 to compile a scrapbook of our staff members.  There was no denying how much bigger I have gotten over the past 4 years.  I am looking at my mother's face with better make up, less stress and hair products.  I have to do this for so many reasons.  One is so that I do not die at 60 like she did.  Another is so I do not die at 51 like my father did.  Another is so my husband can actually be married to a wife to whom he is sexually attracted (with any luck).  Another is so I can show my children what determination can do.  Then there are the "if I don't" things.  If I don't lose weight, I am going to have to buy even bigger clothes because I just keep inflating more every year.  If I don't lose the weight, I am going to have more pain in my joints and in my back.  If I don't lose weight, I am no longer going to be able to reach my butt to wipe.  If I don't lose weight, neither my husband nor I am going to get a good night's sleep until I am dead. 

All good reasons. They are the things I say to myself during the tough times.  Gotta get it done and do it one step at a time.

:)

I am also looking to get back into Body Flex and I am very disappointed that the DVD is $50 with postage.  I got the videos in thrift stores and now there is a new set out on video.  I think I am going to grab one when the tax return comes in!

Again, this is more of a check in to say that I'm still plugging along and the progress isn't all it could be if I were to get aggressive about it.  I am afraid if I get aggressive about it, it will scare me off, so for the moment, I am staying with slow, positive changes.