Current mood:

sleepy

Not Much Different

Whew.  I have worked out absolutely every day since Monday, the 6th.  That's 10 days straight.  It seems like so much longer.  Prior to that, I worked out for two weeks but took off the weekends.  Mostly, it was body flex and the gazelle, but since the 8th, I have done strength training every day.  I work biceps, triceps, shoulder, laterals, abdominals, legs and butt.  They get covered in 6 different exercises.  As I've gotten stronger, I've upped the reps, which started at three sets of three reps of each exercise.  Now I'm up to 3 sets of 10 reps of each exercise and can really feel it afterward.  My next goal is 12, then 15, then after I master 15 (which I definitely could not do now... I have to really push for 10 each), I'll roll the bar to increase the tension on the resistance tube.  I do aerobic exercise at least 5 days a week and shoot for 7.  If I am really resisting and feeling like I just don't want to exercise at all, I at least force myself to do the strength exercises.  I don't let myself do that more than twice a week and work hard for it not to happen at all.  I am sure that as I begin to see more progress, it will be easier for me to keep going with it.  Also, it will be more of a lifestyle rather than "something different that I am doing."  I am eager to get the exercising to be so much of my life that it feels weird if I don't do it.  I need to get my heart healthier, my blood pressure down and my body stronger.  The weight loss is a wonderful fringe benefit from those main objectives. 

I am very reluctant to weigh or measure until after I have my period.  It's still not showing up, but I am holding a lot of fluid and if I am going to chart my success (or my lack, whichever it is), I want it to be genuine and not around fluid retention, bloating, etc.  I am not in any way discouraged and have every intention of continuing to plug away at it.

One thing about this time that is very, very different is that I find it to be more inspirational and motivational to have the foods in the house that I am limiting severely.  It's all a mind game anyway.  In the past, I always purged the house of things I couldn't have, longed for them and missed them tremendously.  Now, I don't deny myself those things, but I really control how much of it I eat.  If I don't have the things in the house at all, I feel as though I am winning by default (by not having them available) and depriving myself.  By having them in the house, I feel more as if I am making a conscious choice to not eat them and that makes me feel more powerful. 

Yesterday, I realized how much I missed having Valentines candy this year.  So I bought a giant heart of candy half price at WalMart ($4, whoo hooo!), put out three for yesterday and three for today, then gave the rest to Delena to give to her friends at school today.  I also bought a box of sugar free turtles to have for me over the next few days.  Three of them have 160 calories and 11 grams of fat, so they are not the healthiest food in the world, but I'll adjust the rest of my daily intake to accommodate them if I decide I want them.

I've eliminated almost all of the foods I could take or leave that I used to graze on through the day.  I haven' t eliminated them from my house (because that would mean removing all food because hell, I'll eat anything) but from my daily eating.  When I eat, I make sure it's something that I really love.  I make sure it's something that I am eating on purpose and will make sure to consider it at least 3 times before I eat it.  If I am on the fence about whether I really want it or really should or shouldn't eat it, then I put it back and wait.  If it haunts me, I may or may not come back for it. 

The days are melting one into another.  It doesn't feel like an extreme effort on my part.  It feels like a sacrament.  All I am denying myself is compulsive eating and forcing myself into accountability for my choices.  It doesn't feel bad; it feels really good.

In the near future, in a month or so, I am thinking (Spring Equinox, I imagine), I will begin more aggressively tightening up what I eat.  That way, I can ease into it.  First, get the rhythm of the exercising, then shove off of the compulsive eating, then pare down the calories and fat a little more while maintaining the protein intake.  I still remain overall caffeine free.  I haven't really missed it, but oh...my...god... I am tired ALL the time.  I sleep better at night, but I never seem to fully wake up during the day and crave naps.  I've had caffeine daily since I was a child, so I am sure I am well used to the energy it provides.  I have a bit of iced tea sometimes if we're out and yesterday, mmmm, I actually drank a few swigs of Mountain Dew.  Glorious.  Mountain Dew and real Dr Pepper I really miss.  I haven't been able to drink Diet Dr Pepper because the stores where I shop haven't been carrying the Diet Caffeine Free Dr Pepper.  I do like it, but it's a whole other animal than real Dr Pepper. 

Today, for the first time in a month, I took each of the dogs out for a half-mile walk, up and down the hills. Last night, I splurged ten big bucks and bought a walking harness for them that keeps them from pulling ahead.  The guy on The Dog Whisperer has a way of putting on the leash where it is high on their neck and keeps them from pulling, but I can't figure out how he does it.  This harness goes around their neck, crosses on their chest and their their legs go into fleecy loops and it hooks to the leash at their upper shoulders.  The result is that the pull from the leash comes onto their whole body rather than just the neck.  JoBu, of course, still managed to give my arm a good work out, but the other two did really great.  They love to go for walks and it really gives me a heavy duty cardio work out.  I can really feel how out of shape I am when I go up and down the hills, but I feel better (if more tired) for doing it afterward.  We supposedly have some heavy weather coming our way, so I am not sure how long I will be able to do that.  It's in the 50's today, but gets very cold at night.  I had to wear my furry boots and heavy coat for the walk.  I am determined to get new gloves and an ear band when I go out with Dylan this week.  I had a twinge of an earache after the walk from the wind whistling.

Just wanted to say that I am still hanging in there and haven't given up or fallen off any wagons lately.